Bud Buckwald
Bud Buckwald is the main character and one of two protagonists of the animated series, Bordertown and is voiced by Hank Azaria. Biography Bud has been a border patrol agent for over twenty years. He has been identified as the weakest link of U.S. border security (having the worst salary on the government ladder) and is not a politically correct individual. Bud is jealous of his neighbor, Ernesto Gonzalez, who seems to be doing, just a bit better than him. Bud's father was a soldier, who died fighting Mexicans in a war between both sides of Mexifornia. He obviously passed down his twisted world views to his son, and now Bud is trying his darnedest to live up to be at least half the man his father was. He's had no such luck so far. Both of his parents are currently dead, with his father heroically dying with dignity in the Mexifornian war and his mother dying of unknown causes and being half-cremated, with the ashed of her top half being kept in an urn ("Drug Lord"), and her bottom half sitting in a rocking chair in their bedroom, which they occasionally hang over their front porch during Halloween "(Heart Attack)". His great great grandfather founded the Californian side of Mexifornia. With such a rich family history, so deeply embedded in Mexican racism, he's really insulting his family legacy. Currently, Bud is married to a woman named Janice and is fathering three kids, Sanford, Becky, and Gertrude. The latter is the only child he's proud of. He lives in a low-class lifestyle in a crappy, run down house, making a small-scale salary off being a U.S. border patrol agent. Ironically, he's being bested by a number of Mexicans, with his boss being one named Steve Hernandez, and of course, The Gonzales Family being his wealthier, happier next door neighbors. The only thing he has better than the Mexicans is his church ("MegaChurch"). His church, known as MegaChurch is a monumental golden-gilded temple, equipped with the most advanced and new aged technology. Meanwhile, the Mexicans attend a crappy, shed of a church, with self-deprecating priests and quality about as low as The Buckwald House. Bud is terrible at his border patrol job, having failed to catch every Mexican who's ever crossed over and the Mexicans are well aware of this. The immigrants are aware of this. In "La Fiesta Noche Show", Bud's consistent failures as border patrol agent were rewarded by the Mexican Immigrant community, awarding him for how he allowed so many Mexicans to illegally bring their families and belongings to America, where they'd pursue their lives. The Mexican who antagonizes Bud the most is El Coyote. In "Viva Coyote", Coyote celebrated his 1000th crossover to the U.S., making him the #1 most wanted criminal in all of Mexifornia, almost costing Bud Buckwald his job, if it hadn't been for Bud finally catching Coyote with a Looney Tunes trap. This was a massive breakthrough for Bud, as not only his only capture of a Mexican, but one of the most amazing moment in border patrol history. However, Coyote would soon be release by Ernesto and Ruiz However, Bud still made history as the first patrol agent in history to catch El Coyote. Bud suffers from many mental and physical disorders, one of which would be his eponym, "The Bud Buckwald disorder", a disorder which caused people to explain the meaning and etymology of their names more than necessary, especially when introducing themselves, ironically enough ("Santa Ana Winds"). However, his most overarching and foremost deviation would be his inverted penis. Bud's phallus has the tendency to cave in on itself and completely compress itself inside of his body, due to him having a poor rectal structure. ("Groundhog Day", "Viva Coyote") Fortunately, Bud is a very sexually apatetic individual, so this doesn't bother him in the slightest. However, this is a complete disadvantage to his wife, Janice, who's oppositionally promiscuous. This makes for a very unsatisfying sexual relationship between the two spouses, but Janice has semi-embraced it, as she and Bud sleep in Lucy and Ricky beds, with Janice occasionally trying to crawl over to Ricky's bed or drag Ricky over to Lucy's. Another physical deviaton of Bud's would be that he has a throbbing tumour on his epididymis, giving him testicular cancer. He doesn't seem to care about it, and assumes his testicle lump is just "a little way of telling him that everything's gunna be alright" ("Wildfire"). Bud's sexuality has a very bizzaire. In "J.C. Strikes", Sanford reminded Bud that he went through a "furry fetish" phase once, but this was only experimental and temporary. In "MegaChurch", he admitted to "getting a boner every time he saw a hot guy", implying that his reason for sexual apathy with his wife comes from the fact that he's actually a closeted homosexual that even he, himself is unaware of, given how his penis is really so willing to function properly when attracted to a male. However, due to his extreme bigotry, die-hard faith in Christianity, and archaic homophobia, Bud refuses to acknowledge this and avoids going in depth with his sexuality, and simply blames his homosexual urges on his ideology of Satan. Like most fathers in his archetype, Bud is a drunken alcoholic, who goes to the bar to drink every time he's feeling down or depressed. He also drinks irresponsibly, as he's gone home drunk, and recklessly drove home, causing collateral damage around Mexifornia as well as causing the deaths of a cheerleader spirit pyramid at the Mexifornia high school ("Wildfire") When Bud reaches his mid-60's, which should be in about 15 years, his inevitable death of unknown causes will lead him to Hell ("Heart Attack"), making his aforementioned Christian conformity completely in vain. Appearance Bud Buckwald is a big, fat ugly guy with brown cowlicked hair and a black mustache, consisting of a bunch of scribbled on lines. He wears a white buttoned shirt with brown suspenders and a yellow sheriff's badge. Personality Bud is a politically incorrect individual, as shown when he uses Barracuda's drug money ($30 million dollars) to build a border wall on the border of Mexifornia and Mexico. Although Bud has shown hate for Latinos so far throughout the series, his direct hatred is his archenemy, El Coyote, as in nearly every episode, Coyote sneaks Mexicans past the border. He is jealous of his neighbor Ernesto Gonzalez, as he is his own boss (having his own lawn care business) , and Bud himself works for a Latino man. Bud also has a short fuse, as indicated by every time he cries out, "Fart socks!" Bud is an avid football fan, even coaching a few games in one episode. Bud is very abstinent, almost always putting off sex with his wife. It's mostly because he has an inverted penis, but also because with age, he's grown sick of sex. His wife, Janice has to endlessly pressure him to have sex with her, but she's always being turned down. The only occasion, where they did have sex was "Groundhog Day", and Bud sounded like he was going through absolute torture the whole time. To avoid sexual intercourse, he and his wife sleep in separate beds. Trivia *Bud Buckwald suffers from buried penis disease. In "Groundhog Day", it was said that once every year, his "groundhog" would come out of it's "hole", and he'd be able to have sex with Janice. However, in "Viva Coyote", it was shown he could easily get his penis back out, by blowing into his thumb. *Bud's favorite TV show is a sci-fi drama, called "Baby Stomper", featuring a time traveller, who goes back in time to stomp on the baby versions of people who cause huge worldwide arocities, such as Adolf Hitler, so that they may never commit their crimes. *Bud Buckwald is named after a rare mental disorder called "The Bud Buckwald Syndrome", wherein people explain the origin of their names more than is necessary ("Santa Ana Winds"). *Throughout his life, he's only kissed two girls "(Drug Lord)". One of them may or may not have been Janice. *Bud went through a furry fetish phase, having brought home a man in a ostrich costume and having sex with him ("J.C. Strikes"). *Bud fought Suddam Hussein in the Gulf War, but accidentally killed several of his own men, through "friendly fire". This happened so frequently, that Suddam gave him a congratulatory picture of himself as an accolade. ("La Fiesta Noche Show"). To this day, Bud still beats himself up over his incompetence in the war, and tried to deny it by capturing a squirrel in a box-and-stick trap, naming it "Suddam Hussein" and killing it, just so he could say "I captured and killed Suddam Hussein" and technically be telling the truth about it ("Viva Coyote"). *In "MegaChurch", he said he got an erection whenever he saw a hot guy, implying he might be bisexual. Also, since he shows no interest in his wife, he could likely be gay. Or most likely, this was just a shitty joke and Bud Buckwald is straight. *Bud bombed a school 6 years after the cold war for no apparent reason, and considers his history of doing so as a proud, historic war story (Wildfire). *He's predetermined to go to Hell ("Heart Attack"). Category:Characters Category:Buckwald Family Category:Males Category:Main Characters